Using AI to organize watering, soil, humidity, and light needs for over 40 houseplants. (I don’t have a problem, you have a problem.) — Oh, look—another ChatGPT article. Yeah, I’ve read a lot of them, too. Here’s what’s different: there are no grand claims here, no elaborate prompts, and the outcomes won’t get you fired or expelled for relying on AI unless you’re literally a botanist or something. In which case, this will be…

These made my idea list but not the light of day… Until now! — Just cleaning up my “random ideas” list and thought someone out there might appreciate my personal brand of mental illness. Negligent Electricians Installed Faulty Wiring in Millions of Homes. What Happens Next Will Shock You Credit Karma’s Duolingo-Inspired Poison Dart Frog Mascot Shames Your Credit Score via Push Notification Mandela…

CEO Elon Musk “proud” to support members of the Transverification community. — Recent updates to Twitter Blue have caused a controversial stir in the social media world. The feature now requires users to pay $8 for a blue check mark beside their name, signifying that they are a “Verified” account — regardless of any apparent status, significance, or merit. Celebrities and public…

A new perspective: from trippin’ to… trippin’. — In a bizarre turn of events, a local man known for his racist views recently tried psilocybin (colloquially known as ‘magic’ mushrooms) and has reportedly "seen color.” The man, known as MAGALibertarian80085 on Truth Social, had been a vocal advocate for white supremacy known for spewing hate speech on social…

“I kinda got my hopes up when we took last Wednesday off from our daily mass shootings.” — In the United States, the American flag is flown at half-staff as a sign of mourning or respect in response to the death of a national leader or in memory of a tragic event, such as a terrorist attack. The President can order flags to be flown at half-staff for…

Is this the write way to get woke? — No need to insert pronouns into everything — just grab a copy of Mad Libs Oops! All Pronouns® Edition for a totally WOKE experience. That’s what Penguin Random House, publishers behind the Mad Libs series, said in their press release announcing the latest installment to the popular book franchise. One…

The infamous AI company is putting the ha-ha in homicide. — In a shocking turn of events, authorities have identified the leading suspect in a string of recent murders — a cutting-edge AI company that definitely did not write any amount of this article. According to sources close to the investigation, ChatGPT, which specializes in developing advanced machine learning algorithms, may…

I’m six hours into writing this and vegging for help. — Dead reader, I’m writing this from my Ouija board, and I have to say that I’m ducking frustrated. I’m trying to communicate with my séance clients on the other side and am unfortunately sending them mixed signals and insurrection information. Let’s just say that I normally don’t have this kind…

This list is number one with a bullet. — Are you constantly picking firearms up off the floor because the kids keep missing the hamper? Is the garage full of sniper rifles leaving no room for your Precious Moments figurines? It’s already difficult keeping house, arranging after-school activities, and tip-toeing around your husband’s uncontrolled violent outbursts.